Umm....
I have to say 4 our 10. The reason for this is:
1. You have decent animation skills.
2. It seem like you drew this yourself.
3. You wrote this.
4. I understood the story and where it was coming from.
Now for the bad....
I won't list anything here. I'll just suggest that you practice more with your drawings and animation, unless this is your style. Maybe some research and/or help from some of the other animators, authors and artists on newgrounds would help. As for the characters' voice overs, some voice artists might lend a hand if you ask, you never know.
I hope this has been helpful to you :)